Question: After a whirlwind courtship, a honeymoon in Hawaii, and four months of marriage, I have come to the stark realization that marriage to my wife won't work. My problem is that before coming to this conclusion, we purchased a home titled in both our names, bought furniture on my credit cards, and purchased a new car that is also titled jointly. We both signed all mortgages and liens, but since our purchases were based on our joint incomes, it is painfully obvious that neither of us can handle the payments alone.

After being honest with my wife about my feelings - or lack thereof, she has refused to leave the house, to give me the new car (she changed the door and ignition locks), or to allow me to have any of the furniture for which I am paying. We have a "Mexican Standoff," with each of us not being willing to leave. If I leave her in the house and with the car, will I still be responsible for the payments since she will say I deserted her? How can I get out from under these obligations? I am frantic because if I move out, I will have to move back in with my parents - a bitter pill for a 32-year-old man to swallow.

Answer: First of all, you can bet that your creditors will not allow either of you to get off the hook -- and why should they? The house and automobile were sold to you both based upon your joint incomes and your joint promises to make the payments. It's too late to change the rules now.

Second, you can safely bet that the court cannot -- and will not -- inject itself into your contracts with your creditors. Even if the Court requires one or the other of you to make the payments, should there be a default, the creditor will come looking to both of you.

Unless and until the house and car are sold and the obligations are paid off, each of your will continue to be responsible for these debts. And to make matters worse, if the Court determines at a temporary hearing that one of you should continue to remain in the house and use the automobile while the proceedings are pending, the financial agony may continue on for a year or more. A temporary court hearing could be disastrous to both of you.

What is the solution? Before tempers flare beyond control, get some financial counseling from an expert who may be able to help you resolve your differences through a process which would include selling the house and car as quickly as possible and paying off the debts -- even if you have to come out of pocket to do so. You may want to try mediation to attain the same results. In our view, litigation is the worst of all options under these circumstances.

SoloFact: This is the seventh 12 financial pitfalls that should be avoided at divorce. If you miss any of the 12, visit www.flyingsolo.com, click on "Divorce" and then on "Frequently Asked Questions." NOT TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. Divorce is the time to take control of your life. If you don't do it now, there's a good chance you never will. If you go to bed worrying, you won't sleep well. And that can be the beginning of bigger problems that you won't be able to solve. So don't worry in the dark. If you can't sleep, turn on the light, get a pen and paper, and write down your concerns. Then go the sleep with the comfort that you will be able to deal with them in the morning when you're fresh. Take control of your finances. Take control of your situation. Listen to the advice of your lawyer, but remember that your lawyer will not be there to help you in the years that will follow your case. Make your own decisions only after you have become informed.

Jan Collins is an award-winning writer and editor. Jan Warner is a matrimonial, elder law, and tax attorney. Both are based in Columbia, South Carolina. Flying Solo is distributed nationally by Knight Ridder Tribune News Service.

Please send your questions by email to janwarner@flyingsolo.com or by mail to P.O.Box 11704, Columbia, S.C. 29211.