Non-custodial Parents Can't Reduce Support ForVisitation Expenses. Think Twice About Using Insurance To Pay For Counseling

Question: I have been divorced for three years. Our two young children live with me. My ex-husband was ordered by the court to pay child support of $600 per month. Two years ago, I began getting reduced checks...at first by $40 or $50 per month. Now the amount I receive has gone down to $500 per month. When I asked my ex, he told me that he had been buying the children's clothes and that he had extra expenses when they visited with him on the weekends and during the summer. According to my figures, he now owes me more than $700, but he won't pay it back. Is he right? If not, how can I get him to stop and to pay me what he owes for the children?

Answer: Unless your divorce papers give your ex-husband the right to make these offsets and reductions--and most do not--he is wrong. When support and visitation are set, it is generally assumed that when the non-custodial parent has the children, he or she foots the bills -- whether it's for a weekend or a vacation or six weeks in the summer. Regardless of whether you have the children or not, your basic household expenses remain the same.

What to do? Write your ex a letter (and keep a copy) telling him why you think he is not correct in reducing the children's payments. Tell him that unless he sends you what's due, you will be forced to hire a lawyer to help you enforce the court order. Tell him that you do not want either of you to go to this extra expense. If he does not comply, you should hire a lawyer to seek not only reimbursement, but also a contempt citation against him, a requirement that all future support payments be made through the court, and attorney's fees. Payments made through the court will add a service fee that your ex-husband will be required to pay, but from then on, the court will monitor your account to assure that you receive what the court has awarded.

Question: Based on what happened to me, your readers should be cautious getting counseling during marriage and applying for insurance after divorce. After my husband and I had gone to marriage counseling for two months, we received a bill from our insurance company that showed "outpatient psychiatric treatment." This confused us, since our therapist originally told us we were being seen for "marriage counseling." As we have now learned, she changed the wording and said all her bills would be listed as "outpatient psychiatric treatment." Then she refused to release our medical report or a copy of our insurance forms. I began a year-long search for information on this problem, and I'd like to share what I've learned with your readers.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is a book that insurance companies use to decide what therapy bills will be paid. "Marriage Counseling" is generally a non-reimbursable code in this book. So therapists who want to get around this so they can be paid by insurance companies for marriage counseling give unsuspecting patients a "mental health diagnosis." The worse the diagnosis, the higher rate of pay. Therefore, instead of striking out with the insurance company, the therapist can hit a billing single ("borderline personality"), a double ("paranoid personality"), or even a home run ("schizophrenia").

This information is then fed into a nationwide database (Medical Information Bureau) to which insurance companies subscribe. This Bureau, used by insurance companies as a "medical credit check," was was set up to prevent fraud and to collect information on new clients in order to set premiums or deny coverage. Insurance claims for mental health therapy increased by 150% last year. But people who seek marriage counseling may unwittingly be labeled mentally ill.

I am now dealing with lawyers to help me clear my name in court because I do not want to be unjustifiably labeled a "paranoid personality" for the rest of my life simply because I tried to save my marriage.

Answer: While you should understand that not all therapists are like the one portrayed by our reader, the best way to protect yourself is not to seek insurance reimbursement for marriage counseling, but to pay for it yourself.

But if you see a therapist for any reason, find out in advance the procedures for which your insurance pays and does not pay. Read your policy, and if you don't understand it, ask your agent or your employee benefits administrator.

When you see a therapist who intends to file claims with your health insurance company, NEVER SIGN BLANK CLAIM FORMS OR ASSIGNMENTS OF BENEFITS AND LEAVE THEM WITH ANYONE. First, have the therapist fill out the form. Then you read it carefully, copy it, sign it, and send it in. If you have a question about the diagnosis on the form, ask. The current DSM lists and explains each diagnosis. You can buy the DSM if you want to. Just ask your therapist where to get it. Jan Collins is an award-winning writer and editor.

Jan Warner is a matrimonial, elder law, and tax attorney. Both are based in Columbia, South Carolina.

Either email your questions to janwarner@flyingsolo.com or send them by mail to P.O.Box 11704, Columbia, S.C. 29211.