Question: When I remarried, I did not think much about taking on the responsibility of supporting my new wife’s two children by her prior marriage when her ex-husband left the state and did not pay support for them. However, now that she and I have having problems and I am the sole source of their support, I am getting concerned about the potential of being held responsible for the support of these children and her. I have paid for their schooling, clothes, shelter, and health coverage for the past seven years without a penny coming from her ex-husband. In order to save potential family discord, I have encouraged her not to seek support from him because he was not visiting the boys. Now that we are having problems, is it possible that if we divorce, I will be required to support these children who are not mine?

Answer: Remarriage often creates difficulties that many don’t consider before jumping into new relationships. Supporting stepchildren is one of them.

Today, there are millions of stepparents who voluntarily provide financial benefits for their stepchildren. Some, like you, have encouraged their spouses not to seek support payments from the biological parents in order to avoid controversy. Although as a stepparent you may have a right to be reimbursed by the children’s biological father, we don’t think that under these circumstances, you would stand a chance. Thus, the financial benefits you have provided to your stepchildren amount to gifts, whether as a result of love or necessity.

While stepparents generally do not have a direct financial responsibility for the support, education, health, or welfare of stepchildren, there are two potential exceptions to the general rule which depend on the facts and circumstances of the relationship and the state in which you live.

First, you could be determined to stand in “loco parentis” to these children and therefore be made responsible for their support. “Loco parentis” is a Latin phrase that means “in lieu of a parent.” Since you have voluntarily assumed an obligation and have encouraged the termination of a parental obligation, you may be found to have a duty to act. Therefore, it is possible that you could be required to pay child support, especially if your assistance would keep these children off the public welfare roles.

Second, you could be found by a court to be "estopped" from taking a different position or going back on your promise to support them if they would be harmed by the change. This legal position is based on fairness and requires the satisfaction of three requirements: (1) You made a representation by which you offered yourself as the children’s parent, including the provision of financial support; (2) Your actions have caused the children a detriment because you, as a stepparent, have interfered with the children’s relationship with their biological parent and have blocked financial support from that parent; and (3) The children relied upon your representations and financial support.

Should these three factors exist – and it certainly appears they might, and should you and your current wife divorce, it may well be that the court could find that you are responsible for child support. Again, depending on the law of the state in which you live, you may well have stepped over the line. We suggest that you seek competent legal advice as quickly as possible.

SoloFact: Even though a spouse may be declared to be a one-half owner in an IRA and even though a court may order the equal division of an IRA, in order to avoid taxes to the owner of the IRA, there must be a trustee-to-trustee transfer or rollover of one half of the proceeds from the IRA of one spouse to an IRA established for the second spouse. Should the owner of the IRA withdraw the balance and pay a portion to a former spouse, the entire distribution will be includable in the taxpayer’s income. There can only be one owner of an IRA according to federal law. Since the deductibility of IRA contributions is determined by federal law without regard to state community property or equitable division laws, state laws also should be disregarded when distributions are made from IRAs.