Question: I was divorced from my former husband when my son was two months old. That was five years ago. Although he pays support, my ex made no effort to see my son since then, and never called or wrote either. My ex has remarried and has two children with his new wife. My son never asked about his father. He has positive male figures in his life, including my father and uncles, and is getting along just fine. I recently wrote my ex about increasing support. His response was he couldn’t afford it -- even though he makes $70,000 per year -- and a filing for visitation rights. I don't believe it is in my son's best interest to have his world turned upside down now based on spite. Won’t the courts see through this as a tactic by my ex to keep me from asking for more money, and not in a sincere interest to see his son. Can I terminate his parental rights?

Answer: Once stripped of their rights, parents become legal strangers and have no rights to a child. While the specific conduct that allows courts to terminate parental rights depends on the law of the state where you live; generally speaking, courts will not terminate the rights of a parent unless there is atrocious misconduct or abandonment which must be proved by clear and convincing evidence. Here, since your former husband has been paying support, it is unlikely that you will be able to terminate his rights as a parent.

Visitation, on the other hand, is quite another story. While we would all hope that the court would see through this charade, you can’t sit back and assume that everything will work out. You must hire a seasoned matrimonial lawyer to help you prepare your case so that all of the facts can be succinctly placed before the court. In all likelihood, your son and other members of your family will be evaluated by a mental health professional who will be able to state his or her opinion about the harmful effect of visitation in these circumstances. At the same time, if he is serious in his request, your former husband will seek the opinion of his own mental health clinician. The judge will then have to sort through the facts and the opinions of these “dueling professionals” to issue an opinion. While the tactics you describe are sometimes used by non-custodial parents to discourage actions for additional support, we would hope that, in the final analysis, the court will protect your son and assess your former husband with the cost of the litigation.

Question: Six years ago, my former husband and I signed a divorce settlement that required us to pay for our son’s college education based on our incomes and assets at that time. The court signed a decree approving this agreement. My husband remarried shortly after we divorced, and recently died shortly after my son was accepted to college. He left more that $3 million to his now widow, but nothing to his only child. My son is an honor roll student, and I am looking at nearly $30,000 per year for his schooling. Is there any way my former husband’s estate can be ordered to pay these expenses?

Answer: While the death of a party often terminates the jurisdiction of the family court, there are instances where financial obligations can be enforced after death. Depending on the wording of your agreement and the court order, and depending on where you live, you may be able to enforce the obligation. Your chances increase if the agreement specifically provides that this obligation is binding upon the estate; however, in some instances, even if the agreement was silent on this issue, there has been enforcement. You should seek the opinion of an attorney in your state of residence for an opinion. And by the way, the courts in New Jersey, Illinois, New Hampshire, Virginia, Utah, and West Virginia have addressed this issue.