Question: When my husband and I separated, I hired a divorce lawyer who had been highly recommended. Although I have been treated courteously, I do not believe that I have received the service that I am paying for. He does not return telephone calls, and I am relegated to talking to secretaries and paralegals about topics about which I think require legal advice. Although they call me back with answers, I feel that I should be given more time by my lawyer. Although I receive copies of mail and have been kept informed, I feel that my lawyer is not accessible. My husband is a very controlling individual, and although I have tried to explain this to my lawyer, I think my concerns are falling on deaf ears. I am satisfied with the work that has been done, but I am seriously considering changing lawyers as if this one is too busy for me, I feel that I should get someone who will listen to me and take care of my needs. Are my concerns normal?

Answer: Normal? Maybe. Common? Yes. Justified? Probably not. Your question highlights the axiom that the relationship between a husband and wife during the divorce process is nothing more than an exaggerated version of the relationship which evolved during the marriage. This is why -- unlike most other areas of the law -- divorce involves emotional overtones that often leave participants angry and dissatisfied both during the process and after the marriage is terminated. Since each party knows which buttons to push, but can’t push them directly, some tend to try to push them through third persons – like their lawyers.

That said, when you reach a lawyer’s office, assuming there is no hope of reconciliation, the lawyer's obligation is to move your case through the system as quickly as the system and fairness will allow. Since the legal system is often a "hurry up and wait" situation, you will rush to get into the system and then wait to come out the other end. Generally speaking, both husband and wife will experience a reduced standard of living during the divorce process, and the longer it takes, the more financial harm can be done.

While we can not say that lawyers are free from all blame for the time and expense of the divorce, we believe that many cases are prolonged when one spouse withholds information and forces the use of expensive and time consuming motions and subpoenas to get it or when the parties allow their anger to feed the fire of litigation. Most responsible lawyers don’t accept – or keep -- clients who have the goal of litigating to be vindictive because toward their spouse because the outcome is never satisfactory. In situations like these, clients are often advised to seek counseling to better manage their anger.

Lawyers and clients must work together to try to minimize the negative consequences of a divorce. For this to happen, the client must provide necessary information on a timely basis and understand how the system works. It is very important for the client to be involved in all phases of the process. Since you are being kept informed, we believe that your major complaint involves a lack of feedback from your lawyer.

Most lawyers who handle matrimonial cases are very busy. It is sometimes difficult for him or her to return calls; however, when you and your lawyer first met, you should have been told that a lawyer’s paralegals are trained professionals to whom you can talk, who can document your file, find out the answers to your questions, and then pass the answers on to you. Before you decide to change lawyers, discuss your concerns with your lawyer and see if the two of you can get your relationship back on track. Remember: It’s very difficult to begin the education process all over again with a new lawyer.