Question: Our son, age 27, lives with my wife and me, works part-time as a laborer, and to be perfectly frank with you, will never amount to much because he likes his women and whiskey too much.

He has two illegitimate children by the same woman who, unfortunately, is as bad as him. She is nearly 40, has been married and divorced twice, and has two other children, one by each husband. Because neither she nor our son will keep a steady job, my wife and I have been taking her groceries for all four children (the oldest is 11 and the youngest is six months) and clothes for our two grandchildren. At her request, we have our grandchildren spend two to three nights each week with us. This has been going on for about four months. She goes out and parties several times each week and leaves the children with young teenagers who sometimes have their friends come over to her house. We know that the police have been called several times while we have had our grandchildren with us.

We are very concerned about our grandchildren, and the other two children, for that matter. While we have thought about trying to get custody, we are concerned that if we lose, she will stop our visits. Our son says he will support us in whatever we want to do, but because of his problems, we think he might be a hindrance to us getting custody. And, from what we read, it looks like mothers have the upper hand and grandparents have no rights. Do you have any suggestions?

Answer: Today, more and more grandparents are finding themselves in this kind of a pickle. Based on what you describe, we are surprised that the local social services has not investigated, but less taken custody of all four children. That said, if you believe that you can provide a better home for your grandchildren, you should begin planning your case now. And be prepared because this process will not be inexpensive.

In large measure, how you proceed will depend on where you live. For example, if you live in Florida, you will learn that the Florida Supreme Court has declared a grandparent custody law unconstitutional as a violation of a natural parent’s fundamental right to raise his or her child. In Florida, as a grandparent, you would have to first prove that the parent was unfit or a detriment would result to the child if not moved, not just that the change of custody would be in the best interests of the child.

So we suggest that you first contact an experienced matrimonial lawyer to represent you. Then, with your lawyer, develop a plan for your litigation as, if you go into a custody suit without a plan in place, your chances of success diminish greatly. Before you go, take the time to write out as complete a history of the situation as possible and list all possible witnesses and what you think they know.


SoloFact: Every state has laws which authorize its courts to set the amount of support and to compel payment for a child -- legitimate or illegitimate. Courts can order that parents pay for shelter, food, clothing, and medical care, both before and after the birth.

Once the level of support has been established, it can be changed in later years based upon increased needs of the child and the abilities of the parents to pay. Support can be made to continue until the child is age 18, marries, or becomes self-supporting, whichever happens first. If the child has physical or mental disabilities, or if there are other exceptional circumstances, the court has the discretion to require that support continue past age 18. In some instances, depending on the circumstances, both parents can be made responsible for education after high school.