Question: My husband and I are calling it quits after 16 years of marriage and two children. I stopped my education to go to work so that my husband could attend and complete medical school, internship, and residency. Now, at age 35, without education, my employment future is bleak. On the other hand, my husband has been successfully practicing medicine for ten years, has built up a nice pension, and has good income. We have agreed to divide the property, and he will pay me alimony and child support, but his income is not sufficient to pay his expenses, pay for me and the children, and pay for me to complete college education and get my master’s degree which will take me five years. Any ideas?

Answer: Since your husband has many high-earning years ahead of him during which he will undoubtedly continue to contribute to his pension, we suggest that you and he consider increasing the portion of his pension that will be rolled over into your IRA by an amount that will cover your educational expenses. Then you, as a taxpayer, will be able to take distributions from your individual retirement plan (IRA) to pay your expenses for “qualified higher education” without incurring the ten percent penalty for early withdrawals. This amendment to Section 72(t) became effective December 31, 1997.

Since you will be paying taxes on these distributions as they are withdrawn, you should have your certified public accountant project what you will need, after taxes, to complete your education over the next five years. In this way, the payments will be “painless” to your husband since they will be made with pre-tax dollars on which he has not paid income taxes and will not reduce his current spendable income.

Question: I have been living with a man 12 years my senior (73) for the past seven years. He recently had a stroke, and is permanently incapacitated. I have not been allowed to visit him in the hospital or nursing home. I have also been given notice to remove myself from his home. Is there anything I can do?

Answer: Unless you live in a state which recognizes common law marriage and unless you can prove that relationship by clear evidence, you are out of luck. While marriage automatically brings with it the right of one spouse to manage the financial and health care decisions of an incapacitated spouse -- and, depending on where you live, the financial responsibility for certain medical obligations, there are no such rights (or obligations) in a non-marital relationship. That’s why coordinated planning and use of written documents is especially important for unmarried co-habitants because they are not considered "family" for legal purposes.

Unless your partner signed a health care power of attorney or durable power of attorney naming you as his agent, his family members -- not you as an unmarried cohabitant -- will be "first in line" when it comes to controlling his financial affairs and medical treatment decisions. As you have tragically learned, without appropriate health care documents, you have no right to even see him. And without a durable power of attorney or deed giving you a life estate in the property, you have no right to remain in his home.

Because relationships between unmarried partners are not recognized by state inheritance laws, wills are essential to assure that planned distribution of assets are not frustrated. Because unmarried cohabitants are not considered relatives, without a durable power of attorney, a family member may be appointed by a court as conservator to handle the financial decisions of an incapacitated partner. For these reasons, both partners in any type of non-marital relationship should make written choices about who will make medical and financial decisions while they are still able to make decisions.

Today, more than ever, unmarried co-habitants must be attuned to these issues, become informed, and prepare to attempt to avoid disastrous consequences which now confront you. But be forewarned: Even the most coordinated planning and the best-drawn documents may be challenged by angry families and frustrated by legal challenges. Bottom line: There are no guarantees.