Question: When my husband and I divorced after 29 years, we agreed that he would pay me alimony on the condition that it would be reviewed every five years. I never worked outside the home, and our four children are grown. Two years after our divorce, I met a man who I was going to marry and moved in with him. My husband found out and took me back to court. The proceedings took more than a year. My ex and his lawyer harassed my male friend with detectives and made him bring his financial records into court. The judge cut off my alimony, saying that I was “cohabiting”. My new relationship ended – which I believe was my ex-husband’s primary goal.
I am now 55 years old, am living alone, and using the money I received from my property division to live – which are going fast. I have not been able to find a job, and have been diagnosed with Lupus. The cost of my health coverage has increased. I have tried to talk to my former husband about helping, but he and his new wife laugh in my face. I have seen several lawyers who tell me I’m out of luck. I made a mistake, but the penalty is very steep.
Answer: Depending on where you live, the law of your state, and the language of your agreement, cohabitation can bring with it tragic results when support is on the line. However, if your alimony was terminated within the five-year review period and you ceased cohabitation within that period, you might make the argument that agreement only allowed the court to reduce, increase, terminate, or reinstate your alimony award when it came up for review. We suggest that you contact a matrimonial lawyer who is willing to research this issue for you thoroughly and then give you an opinion that outlines your options, the cost, and probability of success.
Flying Solo® update: Several weeks ago, we answered a question from a woman who could no longer tolerate a husband who became intoxicated every night and weekend by suggesting ways in which she could gather evidence with no eyewitnesses. While we received a number of reader responses from men and women with similar situations, a surprising number of responses were sympathetic to the intoxicated spouse, including the following entitled “Bad Advice to Wife of Closet Drunk" from “Been there & saved by 2nd wife”.
“This guy does not sound like a closet drunk, but a functional alcoholic. Does he have any traffic-related offenses, any work-related problems like missing days due to hangovers? Is he happy with his home life? Did he put two kids through college with no thanks from them or her? Maybe his kids won’t even come to visit him. Had his wife gotten so unattractive that he couldn’t look at her any more? Think about it, he could be out drinking in bars, and maybe running around with other women. The lady who wrote you is lucky -- at least she knows where he is at night! All you helped this lady do was to help her gather evidence on the sly. Maybe her husband, even though he drinks a lot, is smarter than she is. She could dig herself a BIG hole. Does she want to go out and try to make a living by herself? Maybe she should be thankful for what she has and leave things be. The result might not be pretty. Just ask my first wife!”
