Question: After trying for months to keep my husband from leaving me and our children, I have come to the realization that our marriage is over. When he left, he promised that he would support us, but he has not. Except when we purchased our home, I have never been to a lawyer before. I have heard some horrible things about divorce lawyers from my friends, and wanted to know if there is any insight you can give me.

Answer: The attorney-client relationship you are about to enter comes at the worst time of your life. You feel you can trust no one, but you are asked to trust a stranger to help you. Hiring a divorce lawyer is like getting married: It's very expensive to change. And if you change, you may well take with you a reputation as being a "problem client" -- deserved or not.

First and foremost, we believe you should interview lawyers to try to make sure you know in whom you are about to put your trust and your investment. Although you will never understand the reasons for everything that's going on in your case, try to become as informed as possible. While you can expect to have some differences of opinion with your lawyer during your case, remember that you may be thinking with your emotions rather than with common sense.

A lawyer should advise you about both sides of the possible result, the good and bad. Be prepared for the seriousness of the outcome because you could lose a lot or gain a lot. If you hear a guarantee of result from a lawyer, run the other way. If you are uncomfortable with a lawyer’s advice, you are entitled to get a second opinion.

The vast majority of matrimonial matters are decided based on what evidence the judge believes. Discretion is a big word and can help or hurt you. And if a judge doesn't believe your story, you have little chance of success because appellate courts seldom interfere with a judge’s findings of fact. Your lawyer should carefully secure from you the relevant facts and fashion a strategy to move forward.

What is it going to cost? Your relationship with your lawyer will include your responsibility to pay your fees and costs, no matter the result. If the court requires that your spouse pay fees, there is no guarantee that you will be made whole, so don’t rely on it because your lawyer won’t. In addition, your case may require the services of other professionals – certified public accountants, guardians ad litem for your children, appraisers, and even mental health professionals – all of whom will depend upon you for payment.

So make sure you are properly funded to make sure your fees and expenses are paid. Most matrimonial lawyers and other professionals you may require work on an hourly rate plus expenses. Contingency fees are inappropriate in most situations.