Question: My husband and I had been married for 22 years when he left me for another woman. With three teenage children and no job, I was frightened about our future. So, when he told me we might be able to get back together, I was lulled into a false sense of security and did nothing to protect myself for a year. Then he sued me and got a no-fault divorce -- when he was totally at fault. My children and I received less than we needed because I had accepted just what my husband gave me while we were trying to “reconcile.” It seems to me that my husband should have been punished financially for his transgressions, but it is my children and I who are being punished. He has remarried, he and his new wife are living high on the hog, and he is now seeking more visitations -- and costing me more attorneys’ fees. This doesn't seem right. Why do the courts give no-fault divorces to those who are at fault? And what can be done about it?

Answer: While the vast majority of states have enacted what are popularly known as "no fault" divorce laws, the issue of "fault" vs. "no-fault" continues to be a topic of heated debate. Those who oppose “no-fault” claim that if divorces were harder to get, marriages would last longer and, if a divorce was granted, the economically dependent spouse would receive a more fair financial resolution. Those who support “no-fault” say that not allowing people to leave relationships tends to encourage more abuse and longer, more bitter disputes that scar both parents and children.

No matter which position is correct (if, in fact, either is), the break-up of a marriage always means that two households must be funded by the income that was probably hard pressed to take care of one. While some states consider fault in deciding alimony and property division, child support is generally decided based upon statutory guidelines. Unfortunately, there are no hard and fast answers to your problem -- one that faces millions of other people each year – except to be vigilant and self-protective if you see a split coming.

Question: My first husband and I were divorced after 15 years. He is 65 now and draws Social Security. My second husband and I called it quits after 12 years. My second husband is 63 and is not drawing Social Security benefits. Both of my former husbands have remarried, and both have divorced again. I am almost 62, have not remarried, have worked very little, and have not built up much of a Social Security fund. A friend told me that I can get half of either of my ex-husbands' Social Security. How does this work?

Answer: The simple answer to your questions boils down to a choice of which Social Security benefit is the greatest: Yours, your first husband's, or your second husband's. Beginning when you reach age 62, you may be eligible to draw a benefit as the divorced spouse of a living worker who is either 1) drawing retirement or disability benefits as is your first husband or 2) eligible for, but not drawing, retirement benefits like your second husband.

Since your first husband is already drawing his benefits, so long as your marriage lasted a ten full years before the divorce and so long as you are not married when you make your application, you may be eligible based on his Social Security benefit.

Your second husband is eligible for, but not drawing, his benefits. In this instance, so long as the marriage lasted ten full years before the divorce, so long as you are not married when you apply, and so long as the divorce took place at least two years before your application, you may be eligible based on his Social Security benefit.

In either situation, you will qualify for a spouse's benefit only if your own Social Security benefit is less than your benefit as a spouse would be. If you later remarry, your benefit will generally terminate. Since you were married to two men for more than ten years each, you (and for that matter, all wives of either of them who have ten years under their belts) could conceivably draw benefits from the same man without reducing his share.

If you begin to draw at age 62, which is before your normal retirement age, you will not receive half of the benefit you choose. Your local Social Security office can explain to you how the amount of your benefit will be determined. As a further resource, you may wish to review the Social Security section that is located at http://www.flyingsolo.com.