Question: I have had a very difficult time coping with my divorce. My husband continues to be the same insensitive and surly individual that I have been trying to get away for most of our ten years of marriage. He still knows all of the right emotional buttons to push, and continues to degrade me indirectly through his lawyer. While my lawyer tells me it will soon be over, I am still angry and dissatisfied with the whole process, and the cost is escalating. There has to be a better way, and I am thinking about changing lawyers.

Answer: Obviously, your marriage is and has been dead for some time, long before you went to your lawyer’s office. Your lawyer's job is to get your case resolved as quickly and as fairly as is allowable within the rules of the system. Since the divorce process often causes both husband and wife to experience reduced standards of living, the fact is that financial stress -- coupled with the raw emotions of the situation -- are unfortunately, the norm.

While many people blame their lawyers and the system for the time and expense (both financial and emotional) of the divorce, in truth, the attitude of the parties – as you point out – may often be the real culprit. You and your husband are apparently each trying to get the last word. Some lawyers refuse to accept clients with vindictive attitudes because oftentimes that client fares worse both financially and emotionally than a client who is (relatively) at peace with the situation and ready to move on with his or her life. That’s why anger management and counseling may be appropriate, not for reconciliation purposes, but to assist one or both parties in dealing with the transition.

When both spouses and the attorneys are willing to be reasonable in the adjustment of the financial issues, the divorce process is more palatable and moves along more quickly.

Before you make a decision to fire your lawyer for reasons we have been unable to glean from your question, we suggest that you meet with him or her to discuss your feelings and see if you can get things back on track.

SoloFact: Be careful about guaranteeing post-high school education for your children in divorce agreements. Reduced funding of public colleges and universities by financially strapped state governments has resulted in increased tuition and costs that are rising in double digits. Only a few states are funding public education at sufficient levels to meet the bulk of costs. And those that do are, in truth, still not meeting the financial needs required to provide what is necessary, because costs continue to escalate. Unless you have put away a lot of money, we suggest that collegiate educational expenses be “left open” for determination at or near the time that your children are to begin their educations. Otherwise, you could be agreeing to an open-ended obligation. This should not, of course, be used as a ploy to skirt your obligation to help your child or children attend college if they have the talent to do so and you have the ability to help them.