Question: I have been suspicious of my husband’s activities for six months or so. He has been very secretive when using our home computer and when he is on the phone. He stopped using our home phone and his cell phone to make calls, and now uses a prepaid calling card. Quite often, he can’t explain where he has been when he was supposed to be traveling on business. His sudden change has caused a lot of problems in our relationship, and I am concerned for my two children and me because I don’t trust him any more.

While I was looking for some checks in our desk, I found passwords taped to the bottom of one of the drawers. I found several files on our computer that contained photographs of the woman I assume he is seeing -- in various stages of undress -- along with copies that he had saved of explicit e-mails between the two of them. I copied these files onto diskettes and hired a lawyer, who told me that he did not want me to give him the information because I had gotten it illegally and he would get in trouble with the law if he used it. I live in a small town and sure don’t want to go to jail, as he suggests I might. I don’t see where I did anything wrong, especially since my husband has been so secretive in his affairs. Do you?

Answer: The Internet has given those who want it quick and easy access to relationships via e-mail, chat rooms, instant messaging, webcams, and even long distance voice communications, all courtesy of the computer without leaving the traditional tell-tale tracks. As a result, the inviolability of marriage as our parents and grandparents knew it has changed. "Relationships" are easy to find and maintain in an anonymous and safe atmosphere when inhibitions are thrown to the wind. And based on technology, the legal definition of affair may have to be changed to include "virtual relationships" where there are no physical meetings.

In today’s world, the chance of finding stamped envelopes in your mailbox containing communications like the ones you found on your computer is very low. Today, only the uninitiated still use landlines and cell phones to have voice contact with paramours.

Did you do anything wrong? Probably not. Although federal law and the law of some states protect the privacy rights of those who communicate by e-mail, it does not appear that your actions fall within these prohibitions because a violation of these laws occurs when one person "intercepts" the telephonic or e-mail communications of another. An "interception" takes place when the message is accessed between the time it is sent and the time it is received. Since your husband made a copy of the e-mail communications and attachments, you could not have "intercepted" them when you made your copies.

In addition, while federal law and some state laws make it illegal to access a computer without authorization, since these files were on your family computer in your home where you live, it doesn’t appear that you violated this law, either.

Bottom Line: We suggest you go back to your lawyer and ask him to thoroughly research the law before he refuses your evidence. If he is unable or unwilling to give you the service you deserve, find another lawyer. Since some states have more restrictive wiretap laws than others, you must know where you stand, both in your state of residence and under federal law.