Question: After being unable to resolve "issues" about my wife that had been bothering me for a year, I left her and our two children several months ago. We had been to counseling several times but, if the truth be known, I had already made up my mind before that. She works part-time and takes care of our two young daughters, ages six and three. We lived in a nice home – where she still lives with the kids -- because I have had a good income and benefits throughout our ten-year marriage.

After I left, I told my wife that she should get a full-time job, tighten up her budget, and move into a smaller place to downsize. This really ticked her off and got me sued for separation and support. My lawyer says that our standard of living will have a lot to do with what the judge requires me to pay as support and alimony. Why should I be penalized financially if my wife refuses to work full-time to help pitch in?

Answer: While not the only factor considered by courts in setting alimony and support, "standard of living" is certainly an important part of the equation. Defined by some as "the level of necessities, comforts, and luxuries needed to maintain a customary status or circumstance," a family’s standard of living may be shown to be "artificial" if it is based on the expenditure of borrowed money rather than recurring income. Here, that does not appear to be the case.

In many of the more than 1.2 million divorces each year, the higher paid spouse feels the pinch of supporting two households with the same income; however, in attempting to equalize the post-separation financial status, the courts often look to the actual expenditures at the time of separation to establish support.

If your wife is able to work full-time (depending on the availability of work, her skills, and her salary), the cost of quality day care and related expenses could chew up any increase in her pay, and the drastic change in the children’s schedules could be detrimental. We believe that it will be interesting to hear the rationale you use when you try to explain to the court why your wife working part-time was satisfactory while you were living at home, but not since you left. Please send it to us along with the judge’s ruling.

Question: My wife and I are involved in a bitter divorce in which she has made baseless allegations about me that I have had to defend. For some reason, my wife mistakenly faxed copies of some of her lawyer’s letters to her with comments marked on them which prove not only my suspicions, but also that she has illegally gotten my banking records. Since these are communications between my wife and her lawyer, can I use them in court?

Answer: Yes. While the purpose of the attorney-client privilege is to ensure the confidentiality of a client’s disclosures to his lawyer in a professional capacity, the attorney-client privilege does not protect all communications, most notably those dealing with illegal or fraudulent conduct. In the final analysis, whether a client communication with his or her lawyer is privileged is decided by a judge based upon a review of all of the facts and circumstances. Give what you received to your lawyer and let him or her take it from there.