Question: My husband left me quite unexpectedly several months ago. We both work; we have no children. While we still talk, relations are definitely strained. He went to see a lawyer and so did I. I want to try to work things out, and my husband says he is willing to try, but my lawyer insists that I must protect myself financially by filing a suit. How can I file a lawsuit, on the one hand, and go to counseling and try to work out our marriage, on the other hand, without trashing reconciliation efforts?

Answer: Unfortunately, matrimonial problems may require taking inconsistent positions. Because bringing a suit for divorce or separation is necessary to "vest" spousal property rights in some states, not filing could result in your share of marital property being lost or diminished. For example, between the date of separation and the date of filing, your husband could conceivably waste assets or incur debt that, in turn, could leave you wronged and without a remedy.

Since there is a fine line between protecting yourself and trying to reconcile, your lawyer is correct in advising you to protect yourself. There is nothing that prohibits you and your husband from seeking marriage counseling while a matrimonial action is pending. In fact, courts favor reconciliation of salvageable marriages. Since filing an action is more of a business decision, it would appear that if you follow your lawyer’s advice, your husband’s lawyer could certainly explain to him the reason for the filing. In fact, after the filing, you could ask the court to hold the case in abeyance for 60 days to see if reconciliation is possible. With proper planning and explanations, we believe there can be a reasonable solution here.

Question: My sister and her husband, and my wife and I want to purchase a vacation home at the beach. Each couple will invest $50,000 toward the downpayment, and we will share expenses 50-50. While we both have stable marriages and everyone is in good health, we are concerned about what will happen to this property if one of us dies or gets sick, or if there is a divorce. My wife and I have two children, and my sister and her husband have one child. Is there a way to make sure that at the death, illness, or divorce of one of us, the property will not be sold and unwanted third persons introduced into our arrangement?

Answer: If the property is titled in the names of you four, without a written agreement signed by all of you, there is no way to control what could happen. For example, if you died without a will, depending on where you live, your one-fourth share could be distributed to your wife and two children. And having minor children as partners in a real estate venture is far from ideal.

While you probably have several potential courses of action, we believe the best would be for the four of you to sign a co-ownership agreement that would be recorded with the public records of the county where the property is located. This agreement should include, among other things, provisions about who will pay what expenses, who will use the property when, and, of course, what will happen if one of you dies, becomes disabled, or is divorced. Since beach property will probably continue to increase in value, the four of you could agree that if one of these events occurs, the remaining couple would have the option of purchasing your share for cash based upon a current appraisal, or selling the property and divvying up the proceeds according to your percentages of ownership. Thus, for example, if you and your wife divorced or if one of you died, your sister and her husband would have the first option of buying out your interests at current value, or selling the property and dividing the proceeds. The buy-out provisions could be funded by life insurance.