Question: I have kept all of our financial records on our computer since we got married. I have been the major breadwinner and inherited some money during our marriage that I kept separate. In order not to have papers all over the house, I scanned all of our important records into the computer and destroyed the paper every year or so. Because of this and other obsessive habits of mine, which I acknowledge, my wife has made fun of me to her friends and family. After years of this harassment, I told my wife I was going to contact a divorce lawyer, and she said she was going to get one because she was sick of me, too.

My lawyer told me to make sure to get the records off of the computer, but my wife, or someone on her behalf, had already gone into the computer and erased everything. I acted like I was upset and did not tell her that I had kept backups of everything away from the house. Without the backup, I would have been lost because it would have been difficult and expensive, if not impossible, to reconstruct various transactions over the past seven years. I knew that she would not have done this by herself,and she finally bragged to me that her lawyer had told her that if she deleted the records from the computer, it would put her in a better bargaining position to get a bigger share of the property.

I was very surprised that a lawyer would even talk this way and advise a client to destroy evidence. My lawyer says her lawyer is a friend of his, and he won’t advise me what to do.

Answer: It is axiomatic that lawyers should neither (1) counsel or assist clients in criminal or fraudulent conduct – like destroying evidence, or (2) use false evidence. Assuming your wife’s lawyer gave her the advice you suspect, this would amount to him engaging in conduct involving dishonesty, fraud, and deceit. In fact, by suggesting that she destroy evidence and then lie about it, he is putting her in the position of being indicted for perjury. Telling a client to destroy evidence is a breach of a lawyer's professional responsibility.

If your lawyer will not assist you in this very important part of your case, you need another attorney who will.

Question: I have been divorced for close to four years. My ex-husband fought for what I thought was excessive visitation with our young son and daughter. Finally, against my better judgment, through mediation that I would not suggest to anyone, I agreed for my husband to have both children from Thursday evenings until Monday mornings every other week plus eight weeks in the summer plus holidays, etc. Then he wanted to pay less support because the children were with him more. I was so worn out with all of it that I agreed to that, too.

At first, he didn't miss a visit. But over the past nine months, he has been calling and making excuses about why he can’t keep the kids. Yet, the support stays the same, and he refuses to increase it. Is there no end to this haggling? What do to get compliance with the court order?

Answer: If you and your ex can’t get together about this, then see a lawyer about the feasibility of a court proceeding to have your ex pay additional child support so that you can pay the expense of the extra child care necessarily brought about by his refusal to comply with the order. All children need contact with both parents, and you should not make it easy for your ex to shirk his responsibilities.