Question: My husband and I have been married for 28 years, but have been separated for the last six. We have two grown children. We almost completed a mediation agreement two years ago, but did not continue with the divorce at that time. He has been paying some support, and I am now working, but I am getting help from my parents.

He has now filed for divorce. I filed an answer saying I did not object to the divorce but wanted him to support me and give me a property settlement. I did this myself because I don't want to have to pay a lawyer. I called several lawyers for advice, but all wanted a large retainer fee and wouldn’t give me any advice. The next thing I know, my husband asked for “bifurcation” of the divorce because he now wants to get married. He tells me that this is just a way to get the divorce over with quickly and would be cheaper.

Our main assets are our home and what is left of my husband's 401(k) and pension. I stayed home or worked part-time jobs while the children were small, so I never got a pension. My husband says that he will give me half of his pension and 401(k) when we get everything else straight. He says his lawyer has assured him that I am fully protected. I am not so sure. What would you suggest? A quick reply would be appreciated since I don't have much time!

Answer: Bifurcation means that the court divides a matrimonial case into two parts: the divorce and the rest of the issues. While courts certainly have the authority to grant the divorce now and postpone the resolution of property division, support rights, and custody of children until later, bifurcation can be very dangerous if your husband dies or remarries prior to the completion of the second stage of the trial. Also, there will be no incentive for your husband to complete the process once the divorce has been granted.

Intertwined with these complexities is the separate body of federal law called “ERISA”, which governs pensions independent of state law. There could be grievous consequences if you divorce and then your husband dies or remarries because you would no longer be the wife and there would be unresolved questions about "Who is the widow?"

Even if you put language in the court order that you will remain as the pension beneficiary until a property settlement is done, his pension plan administrator could conceivably not approve the settlement if your husband died before the qualified domestic relations order (QDRO) is completed. Therefore, in your case, bifurcation is little more than a gamble against death, especially if he remarries and then dies.

It is inconceivable that you have allowed this situation to continue for six years. Simply put, there are some matters that laymen cannot handle, and this is one of them. Lawyers who are not retained should not give you advice for fear of being blamed if something goes wrong here, and your situation is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

We suggest that you stop trying to be your own lawyer, stop listening to your husband, stop relying on your husband’s lawyer, borrow money from your parents, and hire your own attorney before you cheap yourself into the poor house. You have already let this go too far. You need good legal assistance NOW.