Tip #12: Second MarriagesShould Be Planned

Thinking About A Second Marriage....

Who says we learn by experience? One of two marriages end in divorce. Six of ten second marriages end the same way. And most of us still don't know our rights...even if we've been divorced once. Sadder, but not much wiser. Second marriage mortality rates are higher than first marriages because the issues are much more complex:

People marry later with more assets. Married women work outside the home after children are born, and women are beginning to manage their personal assets. Couples are bringing children from first marriages into second marriages: There are more than 35 million step parent households in the United States, and by the time children reach 7th grade, one half no longer live with both natural parents.

In 1987, in 1/3 of all couples getting married, at least one party had been married before...and in 20% of all marriages, both had been married before. Many divorces are caused by lack of planning, perceived selfishness, insecurity, and distrust. Many of these pitfalls can be avoided by open, frank discussions before marriage. And if you can't talk before you marry, what makes you think you will be able to talk later?

All of this makes marriage more complex. That's why couples need to protect themselves. Stories about why the property was put into joint names have ways of changing once we reach divorce court. And without more, the laws of the state where you live provide for methods of distributing property and setting support. If two people can't agree that their relationship should be based on predictability and honesty, maybe marriage is not the answer.

A reasonable couple, not the courts, can decide how their property is to be divided through planning. This brings predictability to the relationship. Those with wealth plan before marriage...but all of us should know and protect our rights because if you or I lose half of what we have, it will hurt us far more.

Never get married the second time without a better understanding of your legal rights and duties than you had the first time. Don't marry the second time without planning for the contingencies. And you need information to help make intelligent choices.

Many marry the second time marry without considering that by court order, the first obligation is to their children by the prior marriage... and to Spouse #1 who receives support.

Spouse #1 may look upon second marriage with jealousy and envy. The return from the honeymoon is often met by legal papers asking for more support. And the Spouse #2's income is often considered in judging the ability to pay increased support.

Women marry the second time without any idea that the husband to be owes support arrearages to Spouse #1 or is in substantial debt. And soon after the marriage, the Wife #2's assets and income are being used to keep him out of jail or to pay his debts.

Men marry the second time only to find themselves supporting the step children because Husband #1 has left the state or won't pay support. They find themselves assuming her debt they did not anticipate or want.

No one entering a second marriage should assume that the amount of support being paid to Family #1 will always remain the same. When a non custodial father who is paying support to Family #1 takes on a second family, he is often considered to be voluntarily assuming new obligations. And the new wife's income may be considered in a suit to increase support payments to Family #1.

"Prenuptial Agreement" is not a bad word. It is simply a written contract entered before the marriage that changes how the law would normally deal with property, income, and other responsibilities if the marriage ends by death or divorce. A prenuptial agreement is really a combination of estate, retirement, and life management plans all rolled into one.

Appropriately prepared, these agreements can guarantee predictability if the marriage ends by death or divorce. Assets can be kept separate or shared as agreed upon. Children by prior marriages can be protected. Financial security for a spouse and children can accomplished. Those who marry for companionship, not financial security, can protect their estates for their families.

Taxes are a big consideration. Each taxpayer who signs a joint return is responsible for all taxes and information on the return. For example, if you marry on 12/31 and earned no income, but sign the return and there is an audit, you are responsible for all information and liable for all taxes due. You should, at a minimum, get a hold harmless agreement before you sign those returns.

Financial stability is another big consideration. Before you marry, you both need to be able to plan. If your intended is unwilling to make disclosures, this might indicate a secret. And to be secretive before the marriage tells you something about how the marriage is likely to turn out.

Estate Planning directs what is to be done after death and, while living, through trusts and gifts and insurance. If you enter a prenuptial agreement, you can handle your estate plans at the same time. And remember that you need wills to make sure your agreement is implemented.

To be valid, everyone must be treated fairly. Both men and women must give and receive full financial disclosure before signing the agreement. Each must have his own lawyer. And the agreement must be voluntary. A prenuptial agreement is not for a person who may want to hide things because it will surely be set aside.

Be knowledgeable about what happens financially if your second spouse enters a nursing home and can not pay the bills.