Tip #1 -- Making A DivorceWork Is As Hard As Making A Marriage Work

MAKING A DIVORCE WORK CAN BE AS HARD AS MAKING A MARRIAGE WORK.

Divorce is fraught with emotions and economics which affect husband, wife, and children when a marital partnership is dissolved. That’s why, too often, many important decisions are influenced more by emotions than economic common sense.

A "Final Decree" is seldom "Final"...because circumstances have ways of changing. So before you make final decisions, you owe it to yourself to find out as much as possible about what the future may hold for you.

Knowing the questions to ask is much more important than knowing all of the answers. Practical, objective information not only starts you into the transition on the right foot, but also helps determine the quality of your life after divorce. And that's what this is all about.

YOU'RE NOT ALONE....

Divorce statistics are staggering: Each year, there are as many people getting divorced (2.3 million) as there are marriages. More than 5 million men, women, and children are affected by divorce and separation each year. There are more than 35 million step parent households in the United States today.

Whether you are separated, divorced, just thinking about it, or considering remarriage, you must prepare yourself. You must learn to deal with the process in an informed way, ask the right questions, and gain control of your life. The legal intricacies of custody, visitation, fault, division of property, alimony, and child support, which vary from state to state, are best dealt with by your lawyer upon whom you should rely when you are unsure about anything.

GETTING STARTED WITH THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW TO....

Panic and emotions have no place in the decision making process. Understand your options, channel your energies, and then make informed decisions.

The advice of friends and family will confuse you. If those who have "been through it" want to help you, ask only them one question: "If you had it to do over again, what would you do differently?"

Keep your goals in perspective. Your lawyer can't do it all for you. And if you lose control of your case, you lose control of your life and place yourself at the mercy of an unmerciful judicial system.

The cost of divorce can be staggering. Litigated divorces may take years and cost thousands of dollars. The more your have, the more you can lose. Sometimes you get so upset that you don't care what it costs ...until it's all over.

Try to keep the channels of communication open with your spouse. Don't escalate an already excitable situation by bringing in family or friends. Try to negotiate as many of the issues as you can after your are informed.

A negotiated settlement lasts as long as those who make it want it to last. Keep your goals in perspective. Many divorces result in last minute settlements that are to no one's satisfaction. And that means the final decree is never final.

If the court decides your case, you lose control and may not like it either...and your only remedy may be a costly appeal that keeps your life in limbo for many more years.

Fighting for principle -- or fighting just to fight -- is a bad business decision. It tends to begin a long term war with adverse economic and emotional consequences...But that does not mean that you should give up important rights just to try to get the case over.

Never sign an agreement without the advice of a lawyer. And never allow one lawyer to prepare an agreement for you and your spouse. You always need your own lawyer.

Even the best economic result does not guarantee you security. More and more, bankruptcy is being used both during and after divorce to avoid matrimonial responsibilities and obligations. Bankruptcy during a divorce can mean that the divorce proceedings are put on hold until the bankruptcy is completed. Bankruptcy after divorce can destroy your settlement.

BEGIN TO PLAN NOW....

The first step toward getting answers about your separation and divorce is finding out the right questions to ask. No matter where you are in the process divorced, separated, in litigation, just thinking about your options, or planning to get married the time to plan the rest of your life is NOW. Nothing should be left to chance because nothing is more difficult than trying to change the economic details of a divorce after it is over. If you don't organize and plan now, important details will slip through the cracks.

Separate your emotions from the practical issues you must face. Get a clear picture of your future needs. Get organized and focus on the important issues.

Buy a notebook. Then put all of your questions and concerns in writing before you meet with your lawyer. Give your lawyer a clear understanding of your needs and goals so that an effective strategy can be planned and your lawyer can concentrate on what's important.

In descending order of importance, list the goals you would like to achieve. And those you think your spouse would like to achieve.

Write a brief, frank history of your marriage with dates, employment histories, illnesses and disabilities, and other relevant information. Then document the contributions and sacrifices both you and your spouse have made during the marriage. Try to be fair in your appraisals, not one sided, although you may feel that way. Your lawyer needs your candor in order to arrive at an objective appraisal of your case so you can be advised properly.

Begin preparing your budget. Review your checking records for the past two years. Then categorize and list the deposits and your monthly expenses. Note expenses which may be paid semi annually or annually...like property taxes and insurance.

List all benefits provided as a result of employment yours and your spouse's such as pensions, automobiles, health and life insurance plans, etc.

List all assets you know of. Note when each asset was acquired, its approximate cost, and its estimated current value. Use insurance policies covering your home and cars, newspaper ads, stock prices, etc. to get some ideas. Then itemize your debts.

Just as you should inventory your home and videotape your belongings for insurance purposes, photocopy and photograph every financial record and piece of property. Then keep the photocopies and photographs in a safe place like a bank safety deposit box.