Q Now that I know separation is inevitable, my friends and family have been giving me a lot of friendly advice about how to deal with my divorce lawyer - but all of the advice is different. I have read "to do" lists in your column about ways in which to deal with some of these problems, but not how to deal with my lawyer. Can you do the same for my question?

Answer: Building a house without a plan is like giving a contractor your credit card -- with no limits. Dealing with divorce and divorce lawyers is no different. If you go to a lawyer with no specific objectives or goals, thinking that the lawyer will fix it all, you've made a mistake. Lawyers advise clients about ways in which goals can be attained, if at all. Allowing the emotions of the moment -- rather than specific long-range goals and your common sense -- to drive your thinking process is a big mistake.

How do you deal with your divorce lawyer? Here are some basic guidelines that should help get you on the right track: 1. To save your lawyer time -- and you money -- get together as much of your financial and other information as possible before you go to see your lawyer. This means tax returns, financial statements, budget documents, etc. for at least five years. 2. Make sure your fee arrangement is in writing, that you understand it before you sign, and that everyone understands how you will pay your bill. Lawyers are not allowed to take a percentage of what is recovered for you in a divorce case. 3. Since you won't always need to talk to your lawyer when you have questions, ask for the paralegal or secretary because you will be billed at lower rates. 4. When you have questions, write them out and then make an appointment with the lawyer and take notes of what you are told. 5. If there are billing questions, talk to the billing clerk or the secretary who handles this aspect of the business. The lawyer should be the last resort. 6. Photocopies made at the lawyer's office may cost you twenty-five or more cents per copy. If there are voluminous copies that need to be made, think about making your own at copy shops. 7. If you don't understand something, make sure to ask. And if you have a problem with the way your lawyer is handling your case, ask about it. 8. Your lawyer should keep you reasonably informed about the status of your case by sending you copies of everything that goes out of the office. Since this should keep you updated, you shouldn't need to call unless there is an emergency. Don't make spur-of-the-moment calls just to find out what's going on as this can get expensive at $150 or more per hour. 9. Don't second-guess your lawyer based on the advice of friends and family who may be trying to be helpful. If you feel strongly about a point, then you are perfectly within your rights to seek a second opinion. Let your lawyer know that you feel this way. 10. Remember that your lawyer works for you. After you have been fully informed and have reviewed your options, you and your lawyer should decide upon - and focus on -- a course of action suitable to your situation. 11. If any lawyer ever promises or guarantees you a result, get another lawyer.

SoloReview: "D" is for "Divorce." "S" is for "Survival."